anothersoul | (no subject)

Little is impossible these days, it seems. [She sighs.] Please forgive my indecision. Leaving this city is much harder than I expected.

I don't blame you for it. I had trouble deciding whether or not to leave my world as well.

...But Mami, you should know--in my own case, indecision nearly led to catastrophe. While I would not rush this choice, I would also advise settling on a decision as soon as you're able.

...I have time. I've made sure; I've barely used any magic lately.

[It makes sense to leave. The temple, with Diarmuid there, would be safer if the worst came to past. It was far enough away from people that--she couldn't finish that thought.]

I have my juniors to consider; Miki-san, Sakura-san and Kaname-san. Then there's school, not to mention the apartment. [Excuses. She could drop out of school easily enough. Her closest relative wouldn't notice for weeks. Her juniors were safe enough with Sakura and the apartment... There were valuables there but the memories of her parents... Those would be the hardest to leave.]

Edited 2013-02-04 07:11 (UTC)

I understand how difficult the concept of leaving is. I wouldn't allow them to simply be lost on their own; of course I would do everything in my power to protect them. Not to mention I'm sure there's a school not at all far from here.

...Mami, I can't force your decision and I wouldn't even if I was able to. But if you should choose to accept I swear upon my name and honor you would want for nothing. Mitakihara won't be left unguarded, and above all else you will never have to feel lonely again.

Whatever your choice, I will respect it. But I want you to know that I only wish the best for you.

Lancer-san, it means a great deal to me to hear those words. For the longest time I've hoped for a chance to be in a family again. It would mean the world to me however--I feel guilty.

[She closes her eyes, briefly, remembering what she had said to him.] What I said to you the last time we talked...how I had something important to do, I feel that I need to tell you what I meant. Maybe knowing will make you retract your offer but I can't leave you unaware.

I was going to kill them. I would challenge Sakura to a fight, find someway to drag Akemi out, and both Miki and Kaname... I planned it all out. [She's ashamed. Ashamed how quickly she had planned it. How easy it would have been--] That I even thought such things is unforgivable.

...I won't retract anything I've said. [Lancer shook his head, crossing his arms and looking serious.]

I can't say I expected that, but at the same time I confess myself unsurprised. Reacting like that...well, I'm sure I need not say it was the wrong approach at the very least. But I won't condemn you for something you didn't go through with.

[She's not looking at the camera.]

I don't understand. I was going to hurt those girls, those so precious to me... It's unforgivable.

Edited 2013-02-04 18:05 (UTC)

But you didn't. And what's more anyone can surely tell you're remorseful for even considering the idea. I of all people have no right to pass judgment on someone like that.

Besides that...if you're anything like me then I know you're harsher on yourself than any other could be.

[He's right. She's her own worst critic, her own worst enemy. That was always the case even before the recent events.]

It's true... I'm just a girl. I don't even really believe in justice.

I can't really say I blame you for that, either.

...you really don't?

I know what it's like to feel disillusioned. Justice and honor are hard things to hold on to. I still think they exist in the world, but... [A sigh.] They're much harder to find than they once were.

It was supposed to have rules, structure. The witches were monsters. We fought them. We saved innocent people. There was justice in that. Now... The rules have changed. It's not the same. There isn't any justice in that.

...I understand. But I fear things like this are never as simple as we wish they could be.

There's really no justice.

Now, I wouldn't yet go that far. It's true that there is a great deal of misfortune in the world, and it is also true that those who may deserve happiness above all else likely have the hardest time finding it. But I do not think that means such concepts that bring happiness no longer exist.

I believe that your justice and my honor are...diminished, to speak charitably. There is little of either left in the world, such a small amount that one would be forgiven for thinking they'd vanished entirely. But I don't think they're nonexistent.

From my own perspective, I would say the world is a place where that which causes suffering largely outweighs that which causes happiness. Still, I will fight for things like justice and honor as long as I have strength left, no matter the odds against me. If that should come down to only something as simple as keeping my friends safe and happy, then I would consider that a great accomplishment on my part.

It's fine if you want to be unhappy; I might worry if you weren't. But I know there's always going to be some measure of honor and justice in the world even if things should seem hopeless.

There might be justice in the world, somewhere. That's very possible. It's more of...I don't think I ever really believed it. If I acted like that, if I acted responsible and dependable then the other girls would think I was worth knowing.. A good senior.

Somwhere along the way I think I started believing my own lies.

I see...perhaps I understand. I think in that case, even after one has spent time acting only to impress another, there still remains an opportunity to accept things--and yourself--as they are.

Perhaps that makes no sense...I'm sorry. It's a bit difficult to articulate.

An opportunity to accept myself... [She considers this.] To accept things. I wonder if I could.

I think it's certainly worth it to try.

Do you think it'll work?

I see no reason it shouldn't.

[She thinks for a moment and then:]

What's living in Fuyuki like?

It's...quiet, really. Winter has been a little cold, as one would expect from the name. I think it may be a great deal smaller than Mitakihara, but I've yet to find something one might need that it's lacking. The temple specifically is a peaceful place when Archer isn't striding in like he owns it and I for one had never been made to feel unwelcome.

I might have to get some warmer clothes then. Maybe someplace smaller would be a welcome change...

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